The NEED

 

Maybe it's just me, but you sounded a bit mean spirited in your last email. No worries, I can handle it... normally, but I suppose I may be feeling a bit more sensitve than usual. The holidays tend to make people meaner than usual. I don't know what it is. This is supposed to be a time where people feel peace and love toward each other but in reality people show the most hostility during this time. Have you seen people at the malls? The will basically kill each other over a fucking parking space. People are always rushing fom one place to another, and even here in California, they turn to evil New Yorkers, stomping on everyone in their way. I'm sure you have a lot of practice in the matter. How do people turn so cold? Care to share your wisdom on this? Someone coming from such an emotionally cold place can surely answer this question for me. Who hurt me, you ask? No one in particular, I blame society as a whole.

 

Normally, my Zen self would kick in and I try to let the dark feelings go, but from time to time I like to feel them. I like being in my cold, dark place. I like feeding that NEED. That hole that never gets filled up. The NEED just keeps growing and growing. It makes me so desperate, so very desperate to spread it. To let it be known. Those secrets I keep so neatly packed inside of me. If I let them out, what havoc they would cause. The illusion of me would be destroyed. What do you think matters the most to people about you? Who they think you are or who you really are? What if you destroyed their perception of you? What if... who they think you are is not who you really are? Are you even who you think you are? Have you fed the bullshit to everyone so much that you're begining to believe it yourself?