Another Letter to You

Dear Love,
 
I never told you how much you meant to me. I never told you how much I cared. You always had that doubtful look in your eyes as if I was doing something wrong. As if I was ruining your life. Deep down in your heart, you should’ve known that I would never do anything to hurt you. I hate how we couldn’t go minutes without yelling at eachother. I hated how you didn’t really want me around. I hated how you punched, kicked, and scratched me. You hitting me wasn’t the worse though because my heart fell into pieces when you threw your wedding ring at me and said life would be absolutely perfect if I were gone. Do you remember saying that? I’ll always remember it, honey. To be completely honest, I don’t know how things between us got so bad. I never thought anything like this would happen to us. When I first layed eyes on you, I knew you were the one and I found you absolutely perfect. Thinking back on us, I found the problem. How stupid could I have been to not tell you everyday how much I love you? How much you meant to me and how I couldn’t go a day without thinking about you. I’ll admit I messed things up. Before the night we went our separate ways, I met your mother for coffee. She told me that she was worried about you. She told me how you almost went mad with rage when you explained how awful of a husband I was. You said you didn’t feel pretty around me, but babe, you don’t have to be pretty, you’re beautiful. You said that you were afraid of losing me, but babe; I only have eyes for you. You said that no one else could have me; you weren’t going to let that happen. I asked your mother to keep a secret from you. I could see that it tore your mother apart that she couldn’t tell you and it’s still eating her up inside. I told your mother about my sickness. There was a tumor in my brain. I fell into depression; baby and I couldn’t let you know because I was afraid that you’d panic. Your mother cried with me for several minutes. We both knew keeping this from you would be hard, but we didn’t want to see you fall apart, although you had been falling slowly. Baby, I had to be strong for you. I feel that it’s only right to tell you. I want to apologize, my love. I’m sorry for making you think you had lost love. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m sorry for being a lousy husband. I’m so sorry that you went mad that night and thought your only way out was to hurt me. I remember the look in your eyes when I ignored you and your yelling. You ran towards me so fast. I hadn’t noticed the blade jammed in my stomach until tears fell from your eyes. It was an accident and I don’t blame you. I’m in a way more better place now, and that tumor in my brain is gone. Don’t let those people in jail scare you or put you down because I’ve never blamed you for my death. I still love you so. The people you thought really cared for you; hasn’t written you one single letter, but it’s my birthday today, and you thinking of this day would lead you back to that night, but I wanted to give you the truth. Hopefully, you’ll remember me in a better light. You’re always in my heart, love. I’ll be seeing you soon.
 
                                                                                                Love and Care,
                                                                                                            -Your husband 

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