Teach me Slang I

Chapter I: British English

You are abroad and try to order a nice meal,
you mix up a syllable and spoiled is the deal,
or even worse you deeply have insulted somebody.
Forget all grammar, slang you should study!

Money, money, money rules the world, is a saying,
A QUID or LOLLY you need, BREAD for paying.
Don´t be SKINT or BROKE, better you have TONS OF MONEY,
pay CASH A CHEQUE or CASH-IN-HAND with British £, HONEY.

You go to Britain and about the weather you have no clue,
IT´S COMING DOWN IN BUCKETS and you´ll BE WET THROUGH.
England isn´t famous for its kitchen but you COULD EAT A HORSE!
Don´t “nosh, grub, gobble“ or “scoff“, it could be worse!

The opening hours of pubs are quite confusing,
you like to HIT THE TOWN and FREAK OUT, that´s amusing?
You had a couple of ALES and ONE FOR THE ROAD, my dear?
BOTTOM´S UP! and SUP UP!, now you are PIE-EYED? Cheers!

Next day you might LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT BROUGHT IN!,
if you SMOKE LIKE A CHIMNEY that could GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Are you GLUED TO THE TELLY and have SQUARED EYES?
When you´re abroad, don´t forget, GIVE ME A BUZZ, be nice!

You SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR WIFE´S BEST FRIEND, ARE BURSTING TO GO?
OK, DO YOUR BUSINESS, SPEND A PENNY and look for a LOO.
Are you DONE UP LIKE A DOG´S DINNER for your date?
You’re a TRENDSETTER, A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES, don´t be late!

There are expressions you better do not use, like PADDIES,
COCKNEYS, TAFFIES, JIMMIES, SCOUSERS and GEORDIES.
Eventually they could insult people from Ireland,
London, Wales, Scotland, Liverpool and North East England.

Conversation is important in case you´re a globetrotter.
In England you´re OVER THE MOON, IT’S A SCREAM, SUPER DOOPER?
HAVEN´T SEEN IT IN DONKEYS EARS? YOU´RE PULLING MY LEG!
HOLD YOUR HORSES! SEE YOU IN A TICK, YEAP!

You´ll meet CHATTERBOXES, CLEVER CLOGS, CRACKPOTS,
ROMEOS, SWEETHEARTS and DARLINGS in the LAND OF NOD.
It was JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED, it´s to be wished,
or at least BETTER THAN A SLAP IN THE FACE WITH A WET FISH.

TOODLEOO!

© 2002 Sonja Nic Rafferty